What in the world are you people doing out there?

“Personal should remain personal and professional should remain professional.  Set and maintain boundaries.”  This is in the “So You Want To Become a Teacher” class 101 manual.  None the less, it came home in an email during our corona-cation.  For good teachers, this is an odd email. For good teachers, this is something so obvious that it does not need mentioning. Yes, certain standards of decorum are looser right now.  Yes.  I am still teaching, in a sweatshirt and without make up. All in all, I look like I would on a regular dress down day except that now I probably have a Baby Ruth candy bar in my hand.  While most teachers I know (and they are all good teachers) are still killing themselves trying to figure out how to deliver curriculum at a high standard under less than ideal conditions, it is also true that most teachers I know have relaxed their standards of appearance or snacking in the classroom. This is of course, because the classroom is now the kitchen, or the living room, or the basement. Given the changes in our circumstances and the mostly unspoken agreement about professional standards during this time, this email still begs the question,

WHAT THE FA LA LA ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING OUT THERE?  Are you actively making margaritas during your google meet?  Have you decided that meets are clothing optional?  What.  The.  Heck?  I can hear how the conversation with HR or the Union Rep goes now:

“Mrs. Neidelbaum, we have had a few phone calls from concerned parents regarding your classroom during the virus mandated Corona-cation.”

“Oh, let me guess, too much work for the little princes and princesses?  I swear, all these kids do is complain about how hard things are and how much work they have to do! You know in my day, we respected our teachers and if the teacher assigned something…”

“Uh, no.  Let me stop you right there. Actually, Mrs. Neidelbaum, the parents are concerned that you are adding tequila to your “coffee mug” while you are online with students and yelling, ‘Booze calories don’t count in quarantine!’ while you attempt a lesson on the merits of cursive handwriting.”

“I never said any such thing!  You know how kids can be, they are bored and lying!”

“Mrs. Neidelbaum, we have multiple parent witnesses and one or two of them even screenshot a post from your social media page where you, and I quote, ‘are enjoying class so much more know that the booze is flowing’ end quote.  Here is another post of yours. In this one, there are two beers on your kitchen island — during school hours, when you were to be online with your students. The quote you posted along with the picture was ‘Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, the quarantine way’. I am sure you can see why we are concerned.”

“No, I can’t.  I am home and when I am home, I can do as I like.  This is still a free country and I am a consenting adult and I have first amendment rights, or whatever amendment covers drinking at 9:00AM at home.  You try dealing with these spoiled little ones all day!  Do you have any idea how hard this is?  And the parents, all they do is complain, complain, complain!  Do you know they actually want me to continue teaching their kids spelling during this?  How the heck am I supposed to do that? Is there some magic spelling fairy that will come down and make up some online game or something that will allow kids to learn spelling from their computers?”

“Actually, that already exists.  Our school has a subscription to it.  Your department head is the one who ordered it.  For you.”

Honestly people, when you are interviewing for a job, they will ask you the following quesiton:  “What makes you a good fit for us here at Every Single School District, USA?”  You should begin with, “Well, I have never been hammered on school time and I actually like teaching kids.”

The fact that this email and probably hundreds like it have gone out across the country is disheartening to say the least. Teachers! You are good at what you do. The venue is immaterial. We have no right to tell our students to “toughen up” and “use your head” if we are going to spend our days, while STILL EMPLOYED, being soft and making stupid decisions. You have a responsibility to be the steady place in this storm. You have the opportunity now, perhaps more than ever, to make a difference in a student’s world.